An old friend recently contacted me and this was my catch up on the last ten years reply:
I’m thinking the last time we saw each other was in Cedar City and I have vague memories of us talking somewhere on the hill on the west of Cedar, but can’t remember why we were there. Sodas and fries might have been involved, I think. One thing I do remember is you concerningly asking me if David treated me well. That question sticks out to me, because if anything, he treats me better than my actions warrant. Which is good, or maybe it’s why, we’re coming up on our 15th anniversary on the 11th of this month. Sitting in church the other day, I noticed a couple who has been married three or four years who were still just being that annoyingish gooey-gooey to each other and I kind of missed it for a second, but I wouldn’t trade it for the deeper “I know everything about you and am no longer blinded by only the good and still desperately want you” relationship that comes with fifteen years and five kids worth of experiences.
In 1998, Dave got a job as a law-enforcement park ranger for the State of Utah, so we moved to Coral Pink Sand Dunes State Park where we lived in one of the prettiest spots in Utah, 20 miles from the nearest little town. http://www.duneguide.com/sand_dune_guide_coral_pink.htm We loved it there when the kids were little, especially after they built new housing and we moved out of the TINY, mouse infested trailer. We spent a lot of time hiking, riding and playing in sand. One of the biggest shocks to me when we moved to Monroe was the dust. The sand at Coral Pink didn’t generate dust. I began mentoring college students enrolled in George Wythe College’s distance studies program and when the older girls started school and I was driving them to town, I started teaching a few piano lessons in people’s homes.
I enjoyed it and my life was full of kids, babies, friends, and church but I noticed I was increasingly feeling depressed and dissatisfied or maybe it was the other way around. Keeping myself busy helped, and as you know, there is no end of things in a mother’s life to keep her busy, but busyness is just a band-aid. During lulls between projects or times to myself like lying in bed at night, in the shower, or rare occasions of driving alone, my feelings of meaninglessness led me to find fault in my marriage, my faith, and my motherhood. I would rotate between these, blaming one and then the other for all the problems in my life and thinking how much better it would be if I had chosen differently. Thankfully, though, my commitment rose above these feelings, and I determined to stick it out, but I didn’t have to stick it out for long.
My oldest daughter, Nicole, is very bright and loves learning and I knew her education was not meeting up to her potential, so in 2003, I decided it was time for me to find out more about home school. So I went to a seminar in Cedar City about Thomas Jefferson Education, an educational philosophy developed by Oliver DeMille. http://www.tjed.org/ I hoped to find some direction and support for my concerns about Nicole, and instead found the source of my discontent. My life was a series of going through the motions and lacked any kind of depth. Whether you call it, “Purpose-Driven” or “Reason-Driven”, if you’re not doing it, the result is the same, blah! Although the seminar was not about that, attending it reminded me of ME and I resolved to apply to the master’s program at GWC and continue with my education. Not to get a job, not because I had lots of time on my hands, not because someone thought I should, just because deep in my soul, I wanted to. I had no idea how I would pay for it or how it would work into the daily responsibilities of mothering, but it didn’t matter because that kind of knowing always finds a way. And it did.
In 2004, we moved to Monroe, UT, right in the middle of the state near Richfield when David got a job at Fremont Indian State Park. And Wahoo!, we didn’t have to live at the park. Instead, we bought a nice little rambler built in the 70’s in desperate need of remodeling at the edge of town. It has been a great move! I miss the beautiful Ponderosa pines dominating the edges of the sand, but even they didn’t make up for the constant driving which would have only become worse as the kids got older. They, the kids not the pines, have been able to get involved in so many activities here and love riding their bikes to the library, friend’s or the park. And, when Dave’s dad and stepmom moved here from Vegas a few months after us, it allowed me to attend GWC on campus which is so much better than distance studies. I love the classes there and am now done with all of my courses and have only to write my thesis to have an official, Political Economy Masters Degree.
I often divide my life into roles when I’m trying to make a to-do list. It consists of wife (1 husband), mother (4 daughters, 1 son), student (going on 5 years in a 2 year degree program), piano teacher (10-12 students), primary president (12 teachers, 60 children), mentor (7 clients), and Family Statesmanship Academy founder (15 home school families, 4 clubs, 3 yearly activities). But I have learned, to say it like Covey would, to sharpen the saw. Not in the trite take care of yourself first sort of way, but in a deeper, my life matters way. So even though I’m still busy and still have unanswered questions and still get exhausted and still have 25 pounds to lose, when it comes down to it, I’m loving every minute. Okay, not every minute. I hate mopping and throw-up, but you know what I mean. Since I don’t get to pick and choose all the details, given the whole ball of wax, I take it!
